4: cleft thoughts
October 8, 2009 at 3:08 am | In My Time, Uncategorized | 3 CommentsTags: 14th, baby, cheesy, cleft lip, curse, drakoulinia, God, good, L, mom, poofs, train
I was sitting on the L at 14th, waiting for the train to start on its destination. I looked to my right: an old man reading the paper. To my left: empty seats, and further down a baby in a stroller facing his mother.
His mom’s head bobbed as she dozed off. Soon he kicked, and her head came up straight again. When he cooed I wanted to hug him. When he turned and smiled at me, I saw his cleft lip. He was still adorable, and when he showed all his teeth, he reminded me of my favorite junk food of my youth: ring-shaped cheesy poofs with four little protrusions at the front. 
They tasted really good.
I wondered whether his gums got cold when the wind blew. I thought of him in his smile, oblivious, and wondered at what point the feelings of hopelessness and self-loathing would afflict him. A curse, he’ll call it then, as he will read it in his mother’s eyes.
But does God really give us curses? A curse yes, because it makes life difficult, and it makes you wonder why He’d get the idea of doing that. But is it also an opportunity? A key to gaining greater depth of character, greater compassion, greater understanding…a stepping stone, a tool itself that will enable this kid to understand and help others? Most spoiled, beautiful children don’t get that chance, the poor things.
The train still sighed and sputtered. In the bright white light, the baby cooed and smiled at me again.
Does God hand out curses? I thought again then. We both waited.
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The little cleft lip baby may never believe it’s a curse. I was born with a cleft lip and palate. I’m fifteen – supposedly one of those pesky “teenagers” always over-dramatizing life, “life’s not fair” and “you ruined my life” and all that jazz, right? So you’d think, if there were EVER an age where you’d believe it to be a curse, it would be now, right?
Nope. I’m facing surgery within a year – they’re going to break my jaw and put it back together. And, honestly, I think my life ROCKS right now. I am so blessed and I have such good friends and live in such a good world…my life is amazing.
The cleft lip? It’s a gift. There is no genetic or environmental reason behind it – I was pregnancy #1 for my mom, so she was sooooooo careful it’s not even funny. And NOBODY in my family had a cleft lip, unless it’s super far back.
So I believe, if there’s no medical reason, it’s just there because, well – God needed it there. It was just – part of His plan.
Comment by Happy_Clefty — October 18, 2009 #
What an inspiring comment, Happy_Clefty! Thanks for the insight. Good luck with the surgery.
Comment by tali2 — October 18, 2009 #
By the way, I loved this:
“A curse yes, because it makes life difficult, and it makes you wonder why He’d get the idea of doing that. But is it also an opportunity? A key to gaining greater depth of character, greater compassion, greater understanding…a stepping stone, a tool itself that will enable this kid to understand and help others? Most spoiled, beautiful children don’t get that chance, the poor things.”
Comment by Happy_Clefty — October 18, 2009 #