30: lucky

OK, so I went on this date tonight. And it was fine. It was different. It was different because I had absolutely no hint of inhibition like I usually have.I don’t know why.

Ususally I’m way too awkward, awkward to the point that I can’t be my real self. It’s all in my head, and they can’t tell that I’m not being very open, but I know it, and it makes me feel unsettled, as if I were a dog and someone just went and rubbed my coat the wrong way, leaving it warped and … unsettled.

But tonight I was totally fine. Too fine and I liked that. We went to a wine bar, then followed it by our local one. At the first one, I talked. And talked, and talked. Way too much. It was great, and the guy was interested in what I was saying, I could tell. In the second one, I talked more. Not as much as at first — I added questions here to get him talking too — and it was good. But I don’t know if I talked too much, and if I did, it’s OK, because it was worth it. Then we had to go.

I imagined mysef at his place, cuddling with his cats on his couch. It was a random thought. But it’s how it goes. He lives two blocks down. I wonder, will I actually see it? In the future?

Who knows. He had some business travel early this week. I have some more dates lined up. “I’ll text you,” he said. Weird. Text me? OK.

I was thinking today, it’s so nice to be a woman. A nice one at that, open, friendly, good-looking, and living in America. Freedom to the max is what I’ve got, aside from all other blessings, and the ability to choose from many choices. So lucky I am.

That’s all. Good night. : )


About tali2

I am a recent grad of the wonderful English major. Though I don't regret studying English one bit, I realize why my teachers, parents, friends, and imaginary mentors warned me against it: Because it leads you nowhere. But it did give me great writing skills which I hope to continue honing in this blog as I chronicle the tribulations of the terrible job hunt in the terrible job market of NYC. And I hope that my blog reminds fellow unemployed recent grads that you are not alone, inspires some hope within us, while presenting a snapshot of our lives to others who do not share the same self-imposed troubles.
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