35: give up

You may have thought that I gave up, since I haven’t written for the past two days. Granted, it’s interesting that my sabbatical came at entry No. 34 — just under the halfway point, an inch away from dead center.

But my break was no vacation: I worked 13-hour days the past three days! (And sadly, I brought work home this weekend too.)

It would be nice if the company paid overtime, but even though it doesn’t, I actually didn’t mind. I was frustrated — no joke — at times throughout the days, like when people couldn’t get their act together, information was lost, and the inner workings of the company hindered us from reaching our potential, making being in charge of my portion of the project a complicated thing to manage.

But I can honestly say that at the end of these long days, half-asleep on the train at 10 p.m., I felt driven … purposeful. Alive again with energy and creativity.

Yesterday, my boss asked me if I’d like to keep doing what I’m doing or get new creative challenges. (He put it in more basic terms, but this is what it translates to.) I chose the second. Then he suggested I talk to my other co-workers in our department and interview them on the topic of their jobs, to see if I’d like that kind of thing.

So I did that, and you’d be amazed at how different their world is from mine. We have the same title, but in publishing, titles are mostly meaningless. Especially in our company, where work is very hands-on and many juggle multiple roles.

So, I’m looking forward to the near future. It’s hard to put yourself out on a limb sometimes, knowing that it’s good for you but seeing the threatening depth beyond the cliff too. But it’s exciting also, because that’s the only way to learn and discover yourself and what you really want in life — by getting out of your comfort zone. I’ve done that a lot this year, and I can’t say it’s always been amazing and quite easy like they idealists make it sound. Many times it turned out with me flustered and wondering why I put myself out there in that type of activity in the first place. But I can’t say that I regret any of those times. Because the reason I put myself out there each time was simple: to see if I’d like it, and to get the experience.

As a result, I have so many memories now and different experiences. Ask me how how my year was over holiday cocktails, and I can tell you all about volunteering in a music class with the disabled, trying out a Jazz class I couldn’t follow, trying out a Rumba class I couldn’t follow, training and running a 5K (by myself, not in an actual race), canvasing for a political campaign, speaking French to strangers, discovering San Francisco (by putting up with an awkwardly old friendship), taking part in a dance-off, being an usher for an opera, taking ballet, starting my own event planning society for work and trying to update a blog for 69 days straight.

I guess it’s been kind of a cool year. (Even though Michael died and boys are still retarded — but aren’t they always?)

So then, I guess I’ll continue on with this journey, and I’ll see you on here tomorrow.


About tali2

I am a recent grad of the wonderful English major. Though I don't regret studying English one bit, I realize why my teachers, parents, friends, and imaginary mentors warned me against it: Because it leads you nowhere. But it did give me great writing skills which I hope to continue honing in this blog as I chronicle the tribulations of the terrible job hunt in the terrible job market of NYC. And I hope that my blog reminds fellow unemployed recent grads that you are not alone, inspires some hope within us, while presenting a snapshot of our lives to others who do not share the same self-imposed troubles.
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